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Simon Smalley

Smalley's writing is rich, nimble and warm…even the most casual reader will find something to love.

In its specifics, That Boy Of Yours Wants Looking At is about author Simon Smalley's youth in 60s and 70s Nottingham, unavoidably 'different' to his peers - surviving the early loss of his mother and the tribulations a school system rife with homophobia and simmering violence - and it certainly is specific, packed full of rich detail that will strike sparks of recognition with any who remember the same locality and era. But in its widest, most universal sense, this is a memoir about growing up as an outsider, learning to not only survive but eventually find the strength to flourish, and this is the book's undeniable power.

 

That Boy Of Yours Wants Looking At places its main focus on Simon's relationship with his father: ex-RAF, recently widowed, and parenting a gaggle of constantly-jibing siblings. If your first thought on hearing that description was the same as mine, don't fear - this is not another dour entry in the misery-lit memoir genre. Simon's father is unfailingly supportive, accepting his son for all his many quirks—be that marching on glittery platform heels through the estate or his burgeoning sense of queer sexuality as the years move by—and it is impossible not to be utterly, wholeheartedly endeared to Simon's father, who wants nothing more than for his son to find happiness in whatever he can.

This is not to say the book is in any way rose-tinted or trite -far from it; there are a myriad of tensions and challenges that Simon faces, most notably the constant threat of violence from his school peers ready to explode at any moment, but throughout his father's love and acceptance remains an unwavering constant. If there is any criticism to be made it's that the prominence of Simon's father doesn't leave much oxygen for the other figures in his life--I was left curious wanting to know more about both his rotating circle of siblings and the female school friends who are often his fiercest champions. But when the worst thing to complain about is wanting to know more, the author has done their job. 

 

Anyone who loved Simon Doonan's Beautiful People will find a lot to love in That Boy Of Yours Wants Looking At, but Smalley's writing is rich, nimble and warm in a way that also reminded me of the novels of Tony Warren with their raft of queer characters coming of age amongst the working-class cities of the 50s and 60s. I'm not sure if hoping for a 'sequel' to a memoir is quite the thing to do, but I'd happily listen to Smalley spin stories of his life for as long as he wanted to tell them. I found myself almost painfully connecting with with personal specificity to so many details of Simon's life — being unspokenly marked as different before the idea of gay or queer ever enters your own lexicon; the tensions of the schoolyard and the small refuges; the escape and reinvention of exploring music; binding the body underneath clothes in a war against its distorted image — even as I found myself yearning for a father figure as comforting and reassuring as Simon's.

Queer readers will absolutely feel that kinship with Simon, but even the most casual reader will find something to love in The Boy of Yours Wants Looking At — and if there's one thing we'll all be able to agree on it is that the world would be a better place if every father was like Simon's.

Matt Bright

Author, Four Seasons; Stories To Sing In The Dark

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The writing is remarkably powerful, the detail incredible and the imagery rich and often unexpected.

What a book! It has so much. It takes you, with astonishing detail, on a tumultuous ride through a childhood at times glitteringly delightful, at times tortuously difficult. Sometimes the story seems overwhelming and fantastical; surely it cannot have been like that.  However, as Thomas Hardy said; ‘Though a good deal is too strange to be believed, nothing is too strange to have happened.’ And a lot happened to Simon as he grew up in Nottingham in the 1960s and 70s; this engrossing book makes you want to keep reading to find out what on earth happened next.  

This memoir has a rich array of characters, including his five siblings, but the stars are Simon and his understanding, loving parents, especially magnificent Dad. They loved and encouraged their ‘different’ son to be himself; it is a shame that his school and some in the local environment were not so understanding.  

The tough times Simon endured are written about as intimately and directly as his sequin-focused creativity so be ready for a book that wrenches your heart and inflames your sense of injustice as much as it warms you, makes you grin with glee and brings laugh-out-loud moments too.

The writing is remarkably powerful; the detail incredible and the imagery rich and often unexpected. Simon reminds you how it feels to be a child, describing so many, often simple, situations such as your first school dinner, so vividly that his writing forces your own long-forgotten memories to the fore as you recall your own feelings and reactions at a similar age.

Music, performers and pop culture weave themselves throughout the story; they are so huge and important a passion in Simon’s life bringing inspiration, guidance and support. In one disturbing passage even these usually reliable friends turn dark and demonic causing havoc until Simon regains control.

Through many harsh setbacks and personal insecurities, Simon shows time and again, that as well as having loving parental support, he is an unapologetic survivor. The final chapters bring real hope with Simon on the brink of a new dawn. This book tells an exceptional tale and do you know what; it really wants looking at!  so get your copy now.

Nigel Heritage,

English Language Consultant

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Smalley manages to tell these pieces of his childhood with a never dimming light, verve, and spark that seeps into even the darkest moments of his life.

There’s a made-up word—a portmanteau, really—I often use when I describe stories I read about childhoods with supportive parents: agnostalgia. I believe such childhoods existed, but I just don’t have a frame of reference of my own, and the best I can often manage is a sort of reserved judgement about how that might have been. So I feel like I need to truly underscore just how much Simon Smalley, in his biography That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At, managed to pen such an incredible glimpse of a life of a young queer boy who grew up almost where I was born, albeit thirteen years earlier, and transported me in so many ways into a family experience I never had but truly felt on a visceral level.

So often, stories from queer people begin with the incredibly common experience of utter isolation from our own families, ostracism and hate and violence from those outside of our home, alongside the relentless beat of “I’ll make it if I just get away from here,” and while I do not in the slightest wish to diminish those lived realities—including my own—there was something so brilliant, healing, and restorative about reading Smalley’s parents and how they handled having a child who was, it cannot be understated, seemingly born fabulous. His mother dotes on the boy Simon’s sense of whimsy, imagination, and delight, and his father—a retired RAF man—takes up those reins without fail upon Simon’s mother’s passing. A moment recounted in the book, where young Simon asks his father to help him make his eyelids appear like the tail feathers of a peacock and his father rises to the challenge immediately, had me pausing to swallow past a throat full of the “agnostalgic” hope and joy and healing.

On that basis alone, I could hand this to anyone interested in queer biography, but Smalley’s journey isn’t just his sequinned youth at home. The outside world is decidedly itself in 1970’s England, and Smalley’s armor of Punk, Protest, and Unapologetic Queerness sees plenty of use—and isn't always up to the immediate challenge. His school life is a misery with little reprieve from those who should have looked out for him, the disdain and hate of others lands hits to his physical and mental health—there is a doctor I should like to punch someday—yet somehow Smalley manages to tell these pieces of his childhood with a never dimming light, verve, and spark that seeps into even the darkest moments of his life.

I often talk about how the vast majority of queer people grow up without a sense of inheritance; it’s not like most of us have queer parents telling their queer children about their queer grandparents, and how much pressure it exerts in two ways. First, queer people themselves to make sure their stories and histories are out there for new generations, and second, those new generations need to actively seek out and find those stories. I am so glad That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At exists, and I truly hope it is found by generations to come.

‘Nathan Burgoine

Author, Exit Plans for Teenage Freaks; Three Left Turns to Nowhere.

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A remarkable book of pain, struggle, acceptance and overcoming relentless adversity.

‘That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At’ completely absorbing. I lurched from each and every emotion, following the highs and despicable lows inflicted on the author Simon Smalley. Growing up in the same era, Simon’s intricate descriptions of the 60’s and 70’s transported me to those times; I laughed out loud on his obvious dislike of the radio programme ‘Sing Something Simple’ as I to this day share that feeling!

What this beautifully written memoir left me with above everything else however, was that despite her death at such a young age, Simon’s beloved mam was his guide and strength throughout his adversity, coupled with the unyielding love and devotion of his wonderful Dad. This was the triumph of the story which permeated throughout every page of this amazing book.

A remarkable book of pain, struggle, acceptance and overcoming relentless adversity.

Kim Mian

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Smalley’s excellent writing and ability to keep his readers’ attention…witty, wise, and totally affirming.

What do you do with a well-written, engaging, enjoyable book whose main character’s life experience runs counter to not only yours but that of nearly every queer person you’ve ever met? That’s my only problem with Simon Smalley’s memoir, That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At.

Growing up in Nottingham in the late Sixties/early Seventies was a rough go economically for Smalley’s parents and his five siblings, but his father, Sid, had a decent job as an industrial photographer who did weddings and the like on the side. Smalley’s recollections are quite detailed, almost as if he’d been taking notes on his childhood, but Smalley explains this by way of a short introduction to the book where he states he has hyperthymesia, or an ability to recount his experiences with exhaustive detail. And there’s no question that it’s served him well here. He seems to have no difficulty recalling entire conversations verbatim.

As a boy, Smalley made no attempt to hide or disguise his rejection of traditionally masculine toys such as footballs or soccer paraphernalia or cowboy outfits. Smalley’s preferred Christmas and birthday presents were toy sewing and washing machines, velvet, jewelly baubles, and similar items that would have gotten me and most of the queer men I know thrown out of the house. Smalley’s parents, however, willingly indulged him despite, one assumes from the title, the opinions of others. His siblings may have been confused by him, but they were ultimately supportive.

After his mother, Betty, died, I held my breath, convinced that his father would put a halt to such nonsense and attempt to turn him away from velvet and lace, but I was wrong. He encouraged the boy’s love of androgynous glam rockers like Marc Bolan, David Bowie, and the like. No whim went unsatisfied when it came to haircuts, clothes, or music. Needless to say, coming from a father whose sole advice regarding life and sexuality was: “Never hit a woman in the breasts or the crotch,” I was stunned.

So, what’s wrong with a childhood without relentlessly toxic masculinity? Absolutely nothing. But it’s so far removed from my own experience and that of so many men of my generation, it’s jaw-dropping. And for me, it was narrative-stopping at times. I occasionally had to put the book down and wonder how such treatment would have made my life easier. But your reaction may be different. A good friend of mine also read it, and when I mentioned this issue, he said, “I know, but I decided not to let it bother me.”

The point, however, is a minor one, mostly overridden by Smalley’s excellent writing and ability to keep his readers’ attention. Perhaps it’s even a case of jealousy on my part. Again, you might feel differently. Either way, you’ll find much to like in That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At. It’s witty, wise, and totally affirming. Let his parents serve as an example rather than an exception.

Jerry L. Wheeler

Out In Print

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There is much to wonder at in this gripping story and much to learn.

“Choose your parents wisely,” said Bertrand Russell. Few people can have chosen more wisely than Simon. As a child he experiences more trauma and tribulation than any young person should have to bear, yet he deals with it – now if not then – with sparkling good humour, a deft way with words, and a noticeable absence of rancour.

I was shocked to read of the callousness with which he was treated in many different situations by adults in positions of responsibility who showed a complete lack of empathy and turned a blind eye to horrific bullying and cruelty, but the horror is offset by the empathy and love of his truly remarkable parents. How, one wonders, did his father – presumably with no background in these matters - manage to tune in so sensitively and supportively to his son’s “difference” at a time when being gay was something to be swept under the carpet?

And the biggest question of all: how would Simon’s life have unfolded if he had been born 50 years later, when “diversity” and “inclusion” are the buzzwords of the day? There is much to wonder at in this gripping story and much to learn. Chapeau, Simon.

Armorel

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A heart-warming, fearless and powerful memoir.

This heart-warming, fearless and powerful memoir will stay with you long after you read it. Because of his irrepressible spirit and literary prowess, Simon Smalley writes with such eloquence and sparkle.  His writing glitters like a million of his beloved sequins.

The beginning of the memoir delights us as we hear about Simon's idyllic first eight years.

His spontaneous joy, his innate happiness and his exuberance shine through, only to be shattered. Fortunately, he still had the support of his dad who never let him down, and a chance encounter with Marc Bolan was crucial to Simon's survival. Music became his balm and his refuge from the many storms that swirled around him.

On every level we identify with Simon's heartbreak, yet we are comforted like he was by these wonderful, caring parents, who were so progressive in the 60's. Having grown up in similar times and circumstances, we were constantly transported back to our own childhood and teenage years. Therefore, this memoir resonated so meaningfully and forcefully for us.

When we confront the despicable bullies, the physical pain of his disabilities, and the emotional torment, Simon holds us in his grip.  Despite the seemingly overwhelming odds, we are reminded of his innate strength and determination. As he faced each challenge, we were continually reminded of the words in Maya Angelou's famous poem, “And still I rise!”

Nevertheless, this memoir would not have been a true reflection had there not been so many laugh-out-loud moments. We loved his continued correction of the grammar of the insults thrown at him by his tormentors, and we wish we could have been there to see him showing off his toy washing machine!

The tension rises in the later episodes until we ultimately witness the almost 20-year-old Simon's thrilling escape from his cage. We share in his excitement, anticipation, and hope for the future. Thank you, Simon, for sharing your memoir with us; we feel privileged to have read it.

We maintain that this memoir should be on required reading lists far and wide, to assist professionals, young people and the world in general, to accept our differences. For young people are still being bullied, in one form or another, and their suffering is still ignored.

Hattie & Ian Copus

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Brutally honest memoir which moves and inspires.

This memoir has to be one of my best reads in the last few years. It is a tough tale of a boy striving to express his individuality throughout his teenage years, always supported at home by his loving father, sisters and, perhaps more grudgingly, his brother.

The bulk of the book focuses on Simon Smalley's schooldays, and the honesty and pain becomes so real that one can almost be there, observing as an unseen member of the class his struggle to be accepted by almost anyone bar his two girlfriends Ju and Jacqui. Simon also provides vivid descriptions of his many visits and stays in the hospital during his teenage years.

Simon has an amazing memory and the detail with which he recalls his early life is incredible. His exquisite use of the simile make this a thoroughly rewarding read, despite the heartache and suffering he endures throughout the early years of his life. Simon is already working on the next instalment, and I for one can't wait.

Mr. Kevin Cooper

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A story of determination and strength of human spirit.

A remarkable book of pain, struggle, acceptance and overcoming relentless adversity. Trying to understand, and failing to grasp that people can be so cruel, abusive and relentlessly unkind to another fellow human is emotionally draining at times. Supported and encouraged by his extraordinary father, it’s a story of determination and the strength of the human spirit. Everyone should read this book, in fact it should be included in the National Curriculum.

David Holtom

The eloquent exuberance of the writing never slackens.

This beautifully written, enthralling story about the formative years of an extraordinary person evokes the entire spectrum of emotions. Undoubtedly the support from Simon Smalley's parents was unique and unconventional for the latter half of the twentieth century. The fact that his father, who is described as "an ex-RAF tail-gunner", embraced and encouraged his youngest son's distinctive, flamboyant nature is remarkable in itself.

The complex psychological and physical hardships and misfortunes endured by the author are never related in a self-pitying way and - although he has every right to do so - he never portrays himself as a victim. There certainly is no "woe is me" within the pages.

To summarise this book it would be simple to use the words 'emotional rollercoaster' but that is the most apt description of the ride that you will find yourself unable to leave until the very end. The eloquent exuberance of the writing never slackens, and the author's admirable candour firmly places you as if you are viewing the events through his eyes, or looking over his shoulder.

Pete Jay

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Will bring tears to the eyes.

I have just stepped off the emotional roller coaster contained within the pages of this book. I felt comfort, warmth and gentleness that led to despair, pain and anger.  When I closed the cover, courage and hope leapt out as a tentative path towards the future dawned.

Simon Smalley captures the grim realities of life in Nottingham during his formative years but the pages are illuminated by  three shining stars, Simon and his parents.  His parents were people of extraordinary empathy, whose non-judgement parenting of their youngest child will bring tears to the eyes of those who enter this world.

This is a kaleidoscope of a young boys traumatic life, honestly and bravely shared with the reader.  Sprinkled with sequins, inspired by Marc Bolan, ignited by Punk Rock.  Simon Smalley you are a gem.

Many thanks for allowing me the privilege of reviewing this book.

Joy Rushton

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An inspirational memoir with a powerful message that transcends any generation or time period.

By the end of this memoir, you'll be hard pressed not to wonder what came next for Simon Smalley - such is the riveting nature of his early life.

At times – particularly for those of a younger audience - the depiction of life in the 1960/1970s feels much further away than the 50-60 years that it actually is. All too familiar however, is the bullying and emotional and physical assaults dished out throughout Simon's early life for daring to remain true to himself - a recognisable experience for far too many individuals both past and present.

Whilst the retelling of Simon's start in life covers many trials and tribulations, one of the most moving and heart warming aspects is found in the form of Simon's dad. It's hard not to feel a deep respect for a man who not only continued to raise his family the best way he knew how, after the death of his wife, but who also managed to do it with grace, understanding and unconditional love, at a time when this would have been virtually unheard of. The complete acceptance of Simon for who he was, without a shred of judgement, speaks to the calibre of Simon's dad and serves as a reminder that the right support, encouragement and love, goes a long way to establishing courage and hope in the face of adversity. 

Despite the traumatic events told within this book, from the childhood loss of a parent to personal battles with body image and self esteem, the humorous style of this author's writing comes to the fore. In essence this provides the reader with a unique account of a journey that whilst heavily emotive, is nicely balanced by the humour, glitz and glamour of Simon's adolescent years.

This is an inspirational memoir with a powerful message that transcends any generation or time period.

Laura Uttley

Queer Literary Loft

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Your heart will swell with joy.

"That Boy of Yours Wants Looking At" was a challenging read. Not because of the way it's written; Simon's ability to describe his memories goes beyond lyrical into the voluptuous, the way that certain scenes in his life don't just unfold on the page, but bloom.

No, the reason I use the word 'challenging' was because I wasn't able to reach between the lines and pull this fabulously unique, and fragile boy out from the situations he was thrown into, to protect him from the tormentors and the tragedies life gave him. But your heart will swell with joy at each arrival of the shining star that is Simon's father.

If you want an example of unconditional love, and never-ending support you won't find any as crystal clear as the one in this book between this dad and his son. Yes, Simon battled adversity, and discrimination to levels you wouldn't wish upon anyone, but to have his father in his corner every step of the way at least reassured you that when they were together, you knew that boy was safe.

I agree; this boy wants looking at; so you can see for yourselves just how special, and loved he is, and discover how much he'll overcome.

Thom Seddon

Nottingham Writers’ Studio

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Captivating and emotive without seeking sympathy.

This thought provoking memoir is about the challenges faced by the author during his formative years and his quest for freedom. A childhood spent in a multicultural, working class area of Nottingham threw very few lifelines to a boy who defiantly refused to allow his sense of self to be thwarted.

I liked this book because it was captivating and emotive without seeking sympathy. The detailed recollections transported me to the events described as if I was experiencing them personally.

The people I most admired were Simon’s parents because they unhesitatingly encouraged their young son’s creativity and interests. The significance of this parental love and support is clearly demonstrated throughout the book.

The front cover speaks for itself with respect to the diverse audience this memoir will appeal to. It is very well written and glittered with humour.

Anita Johnson

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A series of almost Dickensian episodes.

Set in working class Nottingham, England during the 60s and 70s, Simon Smalley's coming-of-age memoir is a heartfelt story of family, love, and resilience.

As a young boy, Simon displays early signs of a flamboyant and creative personality. But a family tragedy turns his world upside down at the tender age of eight. As he grapples with grief, he is forced to deal with a barrage of bullying classmates and teachers, nurses and neighbors, in a series of almost Dickensian episodes.

A supportive art teacher notes Simon's "unusual eye for detail." The same can also be said of his writing style, which sometimes goes too far - especially for a reader squeamish with health issues and medical procedures. However, Simon's perseverance in overcoming so many painful obstacles, physical and mental, makes him the engaging and authentic hero of his story; a story, which at its heart, centers on the love between a father and his son.

David Swatling

Author: Calvin’s Head

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